It's Been A While . . .

I'm home alone for four days.  Well, not completely alone - just without my husband which feels like being all alone.  I have the girls here, of course.  They are in the dining room eating popcorn before (hopefully) going off to bed soon.  I was passing the time looking through my blog list and found a site that didn't sound familiar to me.  I clicked on the link and, to my surprise, it was this blog . . . MY blog.  I had forgotten all about it!  The last entry was made well over two years ago, before Miss Clementine was born.  Before my father passed away.  Before a lot of things happened.

So, I thought, since I'm sans husband and needing something to do (yes, I could do laundry or sweep the floor, but why?) why not write a new post?  Catch all my non-readers up on what's been happening. :)

The biggest news is the impending arrival of Baby Boy.  After four girls, and on the heels of two very difficult miscarriages, I am very large with child.  Our first man cub.  Our Blessing.  He is due in five weeks but seems to be telling me he'd like to arrive a little earlier than that despite my pleas and protests that we are not quite ready for his entrance just yet.  Still have a few things to do before we are as ready as parents can be.

When Clementine was born, I didn't want any more children.  It was a very difficult birth and I just didn't feel like I had it in me to do it all over again.  Funny how my ways are so different from God's ways.  When she was just 6 months old, my father was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer.  He passed away within weeks. I'll spare the details for now as he deserves his own dedicated post.  Very soon after his passing, I found out I was pregnant.  I can't express how shocked and grateful I was to be pregnant.  After such a stinging loss to find out we would be blessed with new life was such a balm.

A little over 10 weeks into that pregnancy, I began bleeding.  Because that had happened before, I was hopeful that the pregnancy would continue.  I had never miscarried that late into a pregnancy before and it was very traumatic.  I was determined immediately to try again.  The thought of having my last pregnancy being a loss was too much to bear.

A month later my oldest daughter made the decision to go live with her father.  Another loss for me.  I threw myself into my new-found passion (which was actually a life-long passion with a renewed fervor) of politics and began to medicate myself with Liberty and Dr. Paul.  I somehow ended up chairing the county caucus, being sent to the county convention, then on to the state convention, and finally running for PCO (Precinct Committee Officer) and winning the election.  I began attending every city council meeting and speaking up and speaking out.  I had my eye on running for city council eventually.  I was committed, passionate, determined.

God knows just how to orchestrate our lives, lay our paths, and guide our steps.  During the state convention, I had pink eye in both eyes.  I could hardly see but that didn't stop me from participating.  The day I came back home I discovered I was pregnant again.  A couple weeks later, I miscarried again.  The distraction of being so involved in politics was the perfect way to ensure that I didn't succumb to the despair that was tempting me.  I had taken it upon myself to help raise money for a friend to attend the Republican National Convention in Florida and I had responsibilities and places to be, things to do.

Well, that is about all I have time for writing.  The girls are upstairs brushing their teeth which sounds a lot like fighting and goofing around.

It's been 9 Weeks

But who's counting?

It saddens me that there are people who grieve more over the death of their dog than they do the loss of their four granddaughters.

Mountains and Valleys

We live a very blessed life.  We have a nice home, reliable transportation, plenty of food, money enough to meet our needs and more, access to information, and a family that will soon grow by one more.  And, like the sinful creatures we are, we do not appreciate these blessings nearly enough.

It is so easy to become content - not the kind where one is satisfied with his/her situation, but instead where everything begins to be taken for granted.  We start to live like this is the norm, the expected, the deserved.  We deserve nothing, but by God's grace that which He chooses to bestow.  As Job understood, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Over this last weekend, our charmed life was cracked just a smidge.  Just enough to shake us out of our contentment and realize that we'd been living as if our blessings are certain.  Of course, our salvation cannot be taken, and that is the biggest blessing of all.  But the material and carnal blessings that we enjoy in this world are definitely not guaranteed.

God ordained marriage and blessed it.  He knows that it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone.  Two fighting together are a force to be reckoned with, and a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.  My marriage means so much to me.  My husband is my everything here on earth.  He provides, protects, and leads our family to know and serve God better every day.  So when that love and security is suddenly shown to be vulnerable, and the realization that I could lose it as quickly as snapping my fingers sets in, it isn't surprising that I become fearful and angry.  Yes, I trust God.  Yes, I believe that He will sustain me and my family no matter what happens.  Yes, I know that my husband is a gift that God has given me and can be taken away, and I will continue to praise His name.

But, oh how desperately I pray that God would have mercy and spare me from that path I do not want to walk!

Taking It Easy

I had a very stressful weekend.  I spent Friday cleaning the house in preparation for a visit from family.  I mopped the floor on my hands and knees, dusted, vacuumed, tidied up several piles of things that have collected over the last few weeks, caught up on all the laundry, and various other small chores.  By the end of the day I was exhausted and aching all over, but glad to have a chance to make our house look presentable.  That night both girls woke up several times, came to bed with us, and didn't settle into sleep until nearly 3am. :(  Poor Abigail had an allergic reaction to the lawn treatment and her eyes were red, swollen, and gooped up pretty badly.
Saturday morning was spent watching the rally in D.C., hosted by Glenn Beck.  I was up at 6am because of Abigail and her allergy, and watched most of the live feed while doing last minute preparation for the visit.  I wish I had been more awake because the message was so inspiring, and the crowd so overwhelming.  It definitely gave me a spiritual boost which I was to need for that day.
Unfortunately, the visit ended poorly and the stress of the yelling and tension in the house has caused me to have some pretty painful contractions and a lot of pain in places that I shouldn't be having pain this early in my pregnancy.  I will need to take it easy for awhile and avoid stress as much as possible.  I pray that the baby is okay and that I am able to carry her full term.  My greatest fear is that something will go wrong and I will need to be in the hospital.
If you are so inclined, please say a prayer for my baby.

Bedtime Routine

When Grace was born, Jeremy was doing a midnight paper route and our bedtime routine was very lax. Grace would often be put down around 7pm and it would take me lying next to her, sometimes for over an hour, until she finally fell asleep. This continued until Abigail was born. Thankfully, by then, Jeremy had quit his second job and was awake in the evenings and able to help me put the girls down for bed.

I cannot praise the Lord and my husband enough for how diligent he was in setting up a bedtime routine. He thoughtfully planned a routine that started with Luther's evening prayer, and it has evolved over the last 2 years into a family devotional time, complete with hymns and Scripture verses. How wonderful to have a husband who has taken the role of spiritual leader so seriously. Even when tired or stressed, he has never skipped the bedtime routine. Sometimes it is shorter than others, but he always puts the girls down with prayer.

Here's a typical bedtime:

Each girl is dressed in pajamas, brushes her teeth, and is given a small cup of water. Their room is red-up (please excuse my Pennsylvania Dutch), and Daddy picks out a book or two to read. The girls sit in his lap while he reads the books, then they climb into their beds and Daddy recites the Apostles' Creed. Next Daddy leads the girls in their memory verses. So far that consists of John 3:16, Psalm 23, John 14:1-6, and the Ten Commandments.

That is followed by several songs and hymns. Our current reportoire is Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus, Jesus Loves Me, Amazing Grace, and Take me out to the Ball Game. :)

Then Daddy closes with Luther's evening prayer. Then the girls are kissed and told they are loved.

This whole routine can take an hour, but usually lasts about 30 minutes. It has become such a special part of their day and I'm sure they will carry the memory of their Daddy's love and attention all their life.

Thank you, Jeremy, for being such a gracious father. In this daily act of selfless love, you are showing our girls the love of the Father. You could be doing so many other things during this time, but you choose to spend it guiding our girls, showing them Jesus, and modeling for them the kind of man they will one day search out to marry and build a family with.

Goings On

We took the girls to Kalama for the parade today. They got a boatload of candy (it helps when you're two little girls dressed in summer dresses, waving and smiling at everyone) and we watched Carly who walked in the parade in support of one of our favorite candidates. It was so hot! The high might have reached 100 today. I'm so thankful that I'm not 9 months pregnant right now.

I cannot keep a secret, and so we've been telling some people what we're having. I think we'll keep the name secret until the birth though. So many people are rude and say how much they don't like the names we've considered that I am gearing up for the response to this one. The name has not been in the top 1000 since the 1830s; it's just that rare and special. :)

The next few weeks are going to be very busy. I have volunteered to be co-treasurer for our HOA, to help clean up the mess left by the last administration. The primary is coming up fast and furious and there are a lot of opportunities to volunteer to help support our next Congressional representative, David W. Hedrick (please, go check out his website!). We are in desperate need of constitutional conservative politicians right now. Our country is on a fast-track toward socialism (and ultimately complete destruction) and we need to reign in the out-of-control spending, regulations, and taxes.

I'm also preparing for the next school year. Carly will be gone a lot during August, which leaves me not much time to get the house in order (where'd all this paperwork come from?) and organize her curriculum. The little ones are going through a reading program with Daddy right now and will start Kindergarten math once that is done. There's also so much to get ready for baby - I have a list of things we need, which is amazing to me considering we just had two babies. Many things were used up or destroyed and then there's things like a car seat and new stroller, and figuring out sleeping arrangements.

Maybe next year we'll be able to have our garden. :)

A Picture is Worth Everything

Last week was our 2nd ultrasound. The first attempt we were unable to get a 3D/4D image because baby was hiding and wouldn't move. Thankfully this time baby was more cooperative, though still on the "shy" side. :)

I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see our precious baby move its arms and legs, yawn several times followed by puffy cheek faces, watch as hiccups shook it's tiny body, and see its little bottom as it curled up so peaceful and safe inside me. The baby is beautiful, almost a carbon copy of Grace and Abigail (hey, if it ain't broke . . .). I will never stop being amazed at the wonder of how a new life is formed. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

This pregnancy is so different from the others. With Carly, I was young and blissfully unaware of what it meant to have a baby. With Grace, I was excited and nervous and much more aware of the change a baby would bring to our family. Abigail was a difficult pregnancy and I often had negative thoughts about her arrival. That year surrounding her pregnancy and birth was a dark time in our marriage. So far, with the exception of my standard morning sickness/confined to bed period, this pregnancy has been easy. I am happy and looking forward to meeting baby, but not so anxious that I'm not enjoying carrying baby under my heart. I think this baby will fit into our family easily. I'm prepared, experienced, and ready to tackle all the joys and difficulties that a new baby brings. My eyes are wide open, and more importantly, so is my heart.

We may have had other plans, but God's plan exceeds anything we could dream. He knows us intimately and fulfills the desires of our heart.

The only regret I have is that my family is not a part of our joy. If you are so inclined, please pray for peace of mind that I can lean on God completely. Family may forsake us, but God is always faithful.