It's been 9 Weeks

But who's counting?

It saddens me that there are people who grieve more over the death of their dog than they do the loss of their four granddaughters.

Mountains and Valleys

We live a very blessed life.  We have a nice home, reliable transportation, plenty of food, money enough to meet our needs and more, access to information, and a family that will soon grow by one more.  And, like the sinful creatures we are, we do not appreciate these blessings nearly enough.

It is so easy to become content - not the kind where one is satisfied with his/her situation, but instead where everything begins to be taken for granted.  We start to live like this is the norm, the expected, the deserved.  We deserve nothing, but by God's grace that which He chooses to bestow.  As Job understood, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord."

Over this last weekend, our charmed life was cracked just a smidge.  Just enough to shake us out of our contentment and realize that we'd been living as if our blessings are certain.  Of course, our salvation cannot be taken, and that is the biggest blessing of all.  But the material and carnal blessings that we enjoy in this world are definitely not guaranteed.

God ordained marriage and blessed it.  He knows that it is not good for man (or woman) to be alone.  Two fighting together are a force to be reckoned with, and a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.  My marriage means so much to me.  My husband is my everything here on earth.  He provides, protects, and leads our family to know and serve God better every day.  So when that love and security is suddenly shown to be vulnerable, and the realization that I could lose it as quickly as snapping my fingers sets in, it isn't surprising that I become fearful and angry.  Yes, I trust God.  Yes, I believe that He will sustain me and my family no matter what happens.  Yes, I know that my husband is a gift that God has given me and can be taken away, and I will continue to praise His name.

But, oh how desperately I pray that God would have mercy and spare me from that path I do not want to walk!

Taking It Easy

I had a very stressful weekend.  I spent Friday cleaning the house in preparation for a visit from family.  I mopped the floor on my hands and knees, dusted, vacuumed, tidied up several piles of things that have collected over the last few weeks, caught up on all the laundry, and various other small chores.  By the end of the day I was exhausted and aching all over, but glad to have a chance to make our house look presentable.  That night both girls woke up several times, came to bed with us, and didn't settle into sleep until nearly 3am. :(  Poor Abigail had an allergic reaction to the lawn treatment and her eyes were red, swollen, and gooped up pretty badly.
Saturday morning was spent watching the rally in D.C., hosted by Glenn Beck.  I was up at 6am because of Abigail and her allergy, and watched most of the live feed while doing last minute preparation for the visit.  I wish I had been more awake because the message was so inspiring, and the crowd so overwhelming.  It definitely gave me a spiritual boost which I was to need for that day.
Unfortunately, the visit ended poorly and the stress of the yelling and tension in the house has caused me to have some pretty painful contractions and a lot of pain in places that I shouldn't be having pain this early in my pregnancy.  I will need to take it easy for awhile and avoid stress as much as possible.  I pray that the baby is okay and that I am able to carry her full term.  My greatest fear is that something will go wrong and I will need to be in the hospital.
If you are so inclined, please say a prayer for my baby.

Bedtime Routine

When Grace was born, Jeremy was doing a midnight paper route and our bedtime routine was very lax. Grace would often be put down around 7pm and it would take me lying next to her, sometimes for over an hour, until she finally fell asleep. This continued until Abigail was born. Thankfully, by then, Jeremy had quit his second job and was awake in the evenings and able to help me put the girls down for bed.

I cannot praise the Lord and my husband enough for how diligent he was in setting up a bedtime routine. He thoughtfully planned a routine that started with Luther's evening prayer, and it has evolved over the last 2 years into a family devotional time, complete with hymns and Scripture verses. How wonderful to have a husband who has taken the role of spiritual leader so seriously. Even when tired or stressed, he has never skipped the bedtime routine. Sometimes it is shorter than others, but he always puts the girls down with prayer.

Here's a typical bedtime:

Each girl is dressed in pajamas, brushes her teeth, and is given a small cup of water. Their room is red-up (please excuse my Pennsylvania Dutch), and Daddy picks out a book or two to read. The girls sit in his lap while he reads the books, then they climb into their beds and Daddy recites the Apostles' Creed. Next Daddy leads the girls in their memory verses. So far that consists of John 3:16, Psalm 23, John 14:1-6, and the Ten Commandments.

That is followed by several songs and hymns. Our current reportoire is Stand Up, Stand Up for Jesus, Jesus Loves Me, Amazing Grace, and Take me out to the Ball Game. :)

Then Daddy closes with Luther's evening prayer. Then the girls are kissed and told they are loved.

This whole routine can take an hour, but usually lasts about 30 minutes. It has become such a special part of their day and I'm sure they will carry the memory of their Daddy's love and attention all their life.

Thank you, Jeremy, for being such a gracious father. In this daily act of selfless love, you are showing our girls the love of the Father. You could be doing so many other things during this time, but you choose to spend it guiding our girls, showing them Jesus, and modeling for them the kind of man they will one day search out to marry and build a family with.

Goings On

We took the girls to Kalama for the parade today. They got a boatload of candy (it helps when you're two little girls dressed in summer dresses, waving and smiling at everyone) and we watched Carly who walked in the parade in support of one of our favorite candidates. It was so hot! The high might have reached 100 today. I'm so thankful that I'm not 9 months pregnant right now.

I cannot keep a secret, and so we've been telling some people what we're having. I think we'll keep the name secret until the birth though. So many people are rude and say how much they don't like the names we've considered that I am gearing up for the response to this one. The name has not been in the top 1000 since the 1830s; it's just that rare and special. :)

The next few weeks are going to be very busy. I have volunteered to be co-treasurer for our HOA, to help clean up the mess left by the last administration. The primary is coming up fast and furious and there are a lot of opportunities to volunteer to help support our next Congressional representative, David W. Hedrick (please, go check out his website!). We are in desperate need of constitutional conservative politicians right now. Our country is on a fast-track toward socialism (and ultimately complete destruction) and we need to reign in the out-of-control spending, regulations, and taxes.

I'm also preparing for the next school year. Carly will be gone a lot during August, which leaves me not much time to get the house in order (where'd all this paperwork come from?) and organize her curriculum. The little ones are going through a reading program with Daddy right now and will start Kindergarten math once that is done. There's also so much to get ready for baby - I have a list of things we need, which is amazing to me considering we just had two babies. Many things were used up or destroyed and then there's things like a car seat and new stroller, and figuring out sleeping arrangements.

Maybe next year we'll be able to have our garden. :)

A Picture is Worth Everything

Last week was our 2nd ultrasound. The first attempt we were unable to get a 3D/4D image because baby was hiding and wouldn't move. Thankfully this time baby was more cooperative, though still on the "shy" side. :)

I can't tell you how wonderful it was to see our precious baby move its arms and legs, yawn several times followed by puffy cheek faces, watch as hiccups shook it's tiny body, and see its little bottom as it curled up so peaceful and safe inside me. The baby is beautiful, almost a carbon copy of Grace and Abigail (hey, if it ain't broke . . .). I will never stop being amazed at the wonder of how a new life is formed. Fearfully and wonderfully made.

This pregnancy is so different from the others. With Carly, I was young and blissfully unaware of what it meant to have a baby. With Grace, I was excited and nervous and much more aware of the change a baby would bring to our family. Abigail was a difficult pregnancy and I often had negative thoughts about her arrival. That year surrounding her pregnancy and birth was a dark time in our marriage. So far, with the exception of my standard morning sickness/confined to bed period, this pregnancy has been easy. I am happy and looking forward to meeting baby, but not so anxious that I'm not enjoying carrying baby under my heart. I think this baby will fit into our family easily. I'm prepared, experienced, and ready to tackle all the joys and difficulties that a new baby brings. My eyes are wide open, and more importantly, so is my heart.

We may have had other plans, but God's plan exceeds anything we could dream. He knows us intimately and fulfills the desires of our heart.

The only regret I have is that my family is not a part of our joy. If you are so inclined, please pray for peace of mind that I can lean on God completely. Family may forsake us, but God is always faithful.

Building the Nest

My sweetie and I took the girls to IKEA on Saturday. I had never been to the one here locally. The one and only time I have been to an IKEA was in Germany and that was over 10 years ago! We had a lot of fun looking at all the neat furniture and storage ideas. We are still thinking about how to arrange the bedroom to accommodate our two little girls, the new baby, and still have room in case another blessing is sent our way. Not an easy task for a room that is only 10x12! We've considered giving the kids the master bedroom, but I kinda like being able to walk around our king-sized bed. :)

While at IKEA, I ran into my very good friend who is also expecting. She's due the day after I am. I still can't get over that. God is so good, and has such a sense of humor. :) I also saw another lady that I know from another blog. She is expecting her second child in a few weeks. In fact, I think every woman at IKEA was pregnant and in the throes of a nesting urge. IKEA is like Mecca for pregnant women! It was good to see so many children about to join our human family, especially in an area known for Progressivism and pet-worship. Made my heart proud.

A Rant

I love my husband. He works very hard for a boss who appreciates him very little. That said, there is just something on my mind I have wanted to say outloud for a long time. Here goes:

It's hard enough for a man to be a husband to his wife. So much is on his shoulders in providing, protecting, and doing all the gentlemanly things expected of him. It's unconscienable to demand that he also act as "husband" to his female co-workers. Either equality in the workplace exists, or it doesn't. Women can't have it both ways.

Phew! I feel much better now.

On Our Own

When my oldest daughter struggled with reading, I was introduced to the book, "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons." Half-way through the book, her struggles were overcome and she was off and reading on her own. I had always planned to use the book again if I had more children. What I didn't expect was to use it with a 3-year old. Jeremy has started going through the book with her and she is doing very well. (Yes, I'm bragging. It's my child and my responsibility as a mom to do so.) It's amazing to me how quickly little ones can pick up on reading skills. Before we started with the book, she was trying to sound out letters on her own and even doing a good job of figuring out what letter started words just by the sound the word makes.

Homeschooling is not about sitting a child at a desk at age 5 and going through textbooks while at a chalkboard (or whiteboard - don't want to date myself too much!). It's about teaching them at every stage of their development, focusing on their interests, and challenging them to do more than they think they can. It happens in the car, snuggled in bed, at the dinner table, playing outside. You get the picture. :) It doesn't take a "professional" teacher, a degree, or an institution to teach. It takes a dedicated parent who is willing to take the time. It doesn't take expensive curricula or fancy methods. Parents teach their children all the time without trying. It comes naturally. We teach them by our words and actions everyday. That's why Grace shouts, "Come on, stupid people!" when we're in slow traffic on the road.

The Name Game

Choosing a name for baby is, to me, the most anxiety-provoking aspect of pregnancy. The significance of the perfect name cannot be understated. The name will be associated with this new person his/her whole life. It will shape who s/he is. First impressions will be based on it. His/her personality will hang on it's sound, meaning, and any nicknames derived from it. Yep, I'm completely scared to death when picking one out!

With Carly, I had a perfect name picked out early on. My family belittled it. I am always amazed at how bold people are when giving opinions about the name you've picked for your baby. I can't remember how many times I've been told, "Oh, I HATE that name!" Makes me want to use it even more when I hear that. :) Carly wasn't always going to be Carly, though. The name I had picked was Autumn Lilac. Autumn because it's my favorite season, and Lilac because it's my favorite flower. However, God had a different name picked out, and I agreed to Carly just before she was born. Carleen Emerson. It fits her very well.

Grace was Grace years before she was born. Jeremy and I had decided on that name probably before we were married. I had had an ectopic pregnancy, an abortion, and a miscarriage after Carly. We thought that I may not be able to have more children, so if God decided to bless us with another, and it was a girl, she'd be named Grace. God did bless us, and we kept our word. Grace Eleanor. Grace because God gives us what we don't deserve, and Eleanor in honor of my mother who had passed away the year before.

Then God blessed us again with Abigail just 13 months later. Abigail's name was not even on our radar. When we found out she was a girl, we prayed over names that were placed on our hearts, placed them into a hat, and drew. The contenders were Sarah, Rose, Tesia, Abigail, and Beatrice. Jeremy, Carly, and I were all rooting for our favorites, but Abigail was not one of them. It was, however, God's chosen name. It means "the father's joy." And Abigail Elyce is very much a sweet girl who brings her father, and her Father, much joy.

Two years later we are faced with the task of choosing another name. For a boy, it is Tobias. For a girl, either Vivian or Beatrice. Slim pickin's this time around - but we believe in praying over names and God just didn't give us the go-ahead on very many. After finding out the gender, we considered names again and added one more. It was not a name Jeremy or I had seriously considered before, but it seemed God was telling us to and so we threw it into the hat. Jeremy prayed over the names and we picked one out. To everyone's surprise (and possible chagrin) it was the name we threw in at the last minute. Once again God had chosen a name that we weren't considering, but we can rest assured that He chose this child before the foundation of the world, and the task of naming him/her belongs to Him. A middle name has also been chosen, and the initials are C.J.

I can't wait to meet C.J! S/he is going to be a very special person!

I joked with Jeremy that if anyone can guess the name, I'd give them a $50 gift certificate to the store of their choice. It's like Rumplestiltskin - I sincerely doubt anyone can do it!

God is always surprising us with His provisions. :)

Half-time Show

Yesterday marked my 20th week. The family drove to Portland for our first-ever 3D/4D ultrasound appointment. Since this may be our last blessing, we wanted to do it in style. I was so nervous! I worried about seeing the baby on the screen - would it look weird? Would there be a problem? How would I react to knowing the gender?

The technician was a very sweet woman who was also pregnant. She made me feel relaxed and comfortable. The ultrasound began in 2D and we soon discovered that the location of the placenta was causing a problem viewing our little one. Also, the baby was breech and facing my spine. I think s/he was trying to hide from the camera. :)

So, we weren't able to get 3D/4D video or pictures, just the standard ultrasound. But, their policy is to allow a second visit to try again so we will go back in three weeks and see if baby is better positioned and has grown enough to overcome the obstacles.

We DO know the gender for certain. The baby was very cooperative in that area. :) And, we have decided to treasure this knowledge for ourselves for a while before we share with friends and family. With 3 girls, there are a lot of opinions on whether we're having a boy or girl and I want to take the time to allow our little family to get to know this new person and to imagine how life will be when s/he is born. Then there's the name to choose and we take that VERY seriously around here! I know everyone will understand our choice and it won't be secret for long. :)

Matters of the Heart

Last week I had my monthly visit with my mid-wife. I was 17 weeks. Everything has been going fine with this pregnancy - morning sickness is nearly gone, I started walking again, bump is growing, but not too quickly, weight steady (no gain, no pain) :)

Then it happened. My midwife had me lay down, slimed my belly with ultrasound gel, and began the search for the wonderful sound of little one's heartbeat. Only she couldn't find it. 15 minutes of prodding and searching and nothing. It is an understatement to say that I was freaking out. Where the heck could s/he be? It's not like there's a lot of room to hide. Another 5 minutes of trying after having me get up and walk around to try to move the baby. Still nothing.

Since my uterus was the right size, and there were no other indications of something wrong, she sent me home to "not worry." I have a 3D ultrasound scheduled in a couple weeks and we will find out then.

What, me worry?

I prayed and asked God for the faith and patience to wait and trust Him. I believe in the power of the body and blood of Jesus and have been partaking in Communion throughout this pregnancy. The life is in the blood. Rest in Him.

But, thankfully, my friend mentioned the situation to her doctor (she is due one day after me!) and her doctor generously offered to do an ultrasound/doppler on me for free. I have never heard of such an offer and I couldn't pass it up.

So, yesterday afternoon I walked into the doctor's office and waited for her to have an opening to spare a couple minutes to put my mind at ease. Praise God, the baby's heart was beating strong and I got to hear it for a very precious few seconds. There's no sound more beautiful to an expectant mommy's ears. :)

Hopefully this baby will stop giving me such grief and let me enjoy the rest of my pregnancy (hint, hint). I can't wait to see him/her at the ultrasound appointment!

The Wonders of the Pregnant Brain, or How I Completely Forgot I had Started a Blog!

Thanks to Kristin who recently commented on an old post here, I was reminded that this blog exists. Funny thing happens when a woman becomes pregnant. No wonder how intelligent she was before, her ability to remember things drops significantly. I chalk it up to the tremendous energy being put into growing a human being. My husband just thinks I've lost my mind. :)

I wanted to update anyone who happens to stop over here that things are going much better. Morning sickness is slowly on its way out. Food still tastes different and tends to leave a bad taste in my mouth, but I'm eating and keeping it down and am up out of bed. (Some) household chores are being done and Carly has resumed school. That's about all I can ask.

I am 14 weeks, 5 days pregnant. My belly has officially "popped." I'm at that stage where I am actually trying to look pregnant (i.e., wearing tighter shirts, rubbing my belly in public, putting my hands on my lower back when I'm standing) so people will know that I haven't just gotten fatter - there's a reason my belly has swollen. Think it's working? Yeah, me neither.

Since I last blogged, Grace turned 3, Jeremy turned 30-something, Abigail turned 2, and I turned 29 - again. :) That's a lot of birthday cake!

We have a 3-D ultrasound scheduled for next month. We are definitely going to find out the gender - I have zero patience. I'll break the news as soon as we find out. We're pretty sure of the girl name, but the boy name is elusive. We have a couple ideas, but nothing that just shouts out to us. Probably because it's a girl - which we are fine with. Jeremy is actually hoping for a girl.

Now that I know this blog exists, I'll try to update more regularly. Can't promise anything. Might forget all over again by tomorrow. :)

Ah, the Joys of Pregnancy

I'm a wuss. Sure, I've given birth thrice, once at home, without the use of any pain medication. Not even a Tylenol. Pain, I can handle. Nausea, I cannot. I'm a baby when it comes to feeling sick. A big, whiny baby.

Today I am 7 weeks, 1 day pregnant and in the throes of morning sickness. As any of you who've had morning sickness know, it rarely occurs only in the morning. Mine is the 24-hour variety. I feel sick if I eat. I feel sick if I don't eat. I can't tolerate liquids. I'm tired all the time. I'm remembering why adoption seemed so attractive. :)

My husband has been taking care of the house at night. Carly has been taking care of the girls during the day. School is on hold for a few weeks until I feel up to teaching. We'll skip summer break to make up the time - and since we'll have a couple months off after the baby is born. The baby is due November 10th, and it will be nice to take the time off for the holidays.

Adoption is still very much on our hearts. There have been a couple changes in the adopting process that have been cautiously optimistic news. Hubby would like to wait until this new baby is a year old before starting the process up again. Four children under 5 is a lot to handle. I never thought of myself as a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom and yet the desire continues to grow. Not every woman can cook, sew, garden, and do crafts - and I'm learning that even those of us who lack many homemaking skills can still be good homemakers. It's about commitment, love, life-long learning, and preaching God's word. That I can do.

So our journey has led us down a different path for now. This morning sickness, too, shall pass. And soon, I'll be back to normal (whatever that means!) and will share with you the ups and downs of our family life.

We Interrupt This Blog to Bring You an Important Announcement

We're pregnant!

It's the old joke about the surest way to get pregnant is to begin the process of adoption.

So, I called the adoption agency today and had them stop our paperwork before they open it and cash our checks. Next I called my midwife and made an appointment for next week.

Can't say it isn't ever exciting here at our house. :)

Hopefully we'll be able to resume the adoption process after the baby is born. We'll see. God's ways are not my ways, but His ways are better. I'm not sure why He took us down this path only to have it diverted. Maybe He was testing our faith. Maybe we misunderstood the calling on our hearts to have another child. Either way we count it all joy.

One Down, Two to Go

So we didn't make my Wednesday deadline. My husband had a job to work, or some other sorry excuse (JK, honey!). I sent off the preliminary paperwork today and our four references should be sending their letters soon. I know one person already sent hers (thanks!). We still are working on our on-line training and our medical exams aren't until April 6th. I don't think that will hold up the agency from sending us the next round of information and paperwork for the homestudy.

I've joined some on-line groups to help mentor me through this process. One is a group of Christian parents who have adopted from Africa. The other is a group of parents who have used our agency. The third group is parents who homeschool and have adopted internationally. A lot of good information, but so many perspectives and opinions that it can be difficult sometimes to navigate a discussion without offending someone, misunderstanding a meaning, or being misunderstaood.

We have asked for approval to adopt two (yes, two) children. We've heard it's better to ask permission for two and then decide to adopt one than to try to get approval for two later down the road. We are open to an infant under 6 months, either gender and a girl between one- and two-years old. I don't know if we qualify. God has simply placed the desire on our hearts to provide a family for two children.

Oh, I wanted to mention one more blessing God has provided in funding this adoption. Our medical exams, which carry a co-pay of $20 each, qualify as an annual wellness visit and we will be given $50 each. That means that each medical appointment will pay us $30! It may not seem like a lot considering how much we've paid so far, but every little bit helps and I'm so thankful to God for providing in small and large ways.

One Week Deadline

We received our first packet of info from the agency last Thursday. I was hoping to have all the paperwork filled out and ready to send back by this Thursday. That's not going to happen, but we're very close. I'm so anxious to get to the part where we're actually doing the home study and putting together our dossier that I view this preliminary portion as more a frustrating obstacle than a satisfying step closer to our child. Think God might have a lesson to learn here? :)

Jeremy is closer to being finished with his personal data than I am and we still have several chapters of our training series to complete. That should be done this week. That only leaves our medical exams which are scheduled for early April. Not too bad. I'm not sure what the next step is after we send all this paperwork to the agency, but I think it will involve scheduling the home study and being sent another packet of info telling us what we need for the dossier and how to get it. It's only slightly less painful than actual childbirth.

Our deadline is still my birthday, which is mid-May. I hope to give myself the gift of DTE (dossier sent to "name of country") for my birthday this year. I'll also accept donations to our adoption fund (hint, hint) ;).

I've been stopped several times over the last week when out with my kids. People love to comment on how cute they are, or well-behaved. They often ask if I have any more children and I usually answer that I have a teenager as well (since she's usually not with me when I'm out and about). It's been very hard not to say that we are expecting. That's exactly how I feel - pregnant with an unknown due date. I can't wait to be waiting.

It's Here!

We received our packet of information from the adoption agency today! In it is all sorts of forms and contracts and information on what to fill out and how. It looks daunting, but I think we can complete everything by the end of March, probably earlier. When it comes to paperwork, I love to dive in and work until it's all done.

On to Step 2!

Is it a boy or a girl?

Yes. :)

We're still a long way from this decision being set in stone, but we have been thinking about it a lot. Initially my husband was set on a little girl because the conditions in country for a young woman are just terrible. There is a level of sexism that rates on the scale of the Middle East. Forced marriages, rapes, lack of education, and lack of access to proper healthcare top the list. We watched A Walk to Beautiful and caught only a glimpse of the life some women must endure.

After further thought (and prayer), my husband wants to be open to either a boy or a girl and let God choose our child. After all, the conditions aren't much better for a young man. Jeremy makes a good point that, if we raise a son, there will be one more man who is raised to respect, honor, and cherish women. A man who will not have his mind poisoned by sexism. A man who may choose to return to his country educated and equipped to help the women there, much like the OB/GYN from the movie who repaired the women's fistulas and gave them a second chance at life. Oh, how proud I would be to raise such a son!

So, as soon as the paperwork arrives (they've received our application and cashed our check - should be any day now!), we will begin the home study/dossier process and state our wishes to let God choose our child. Either way it will be a privilege. I continue to pray that God gives comfort and peace to the mother and father who will face the decision to let their child go in hopes of a better life. Oh, that I may prove worthy of such a trust.

What's in a Name?

When I began this blog, I had to think up a name. I chose "More than Conquerors" because that comes from my favorite Scripture verse. It was never intended to be a permanent title, but I haven't been able to come up with something clever, pithy, unique, and yet conveys all the intricacies of what it means to be called as Christians to adopt. Yeah, I know, sounds like it should be pretty easy. :)

I've renamed the blog "Open Doors" because, for now, that is what we have encountered (Revelation 3:8). From surprise reimbursement checks from our insurance company, to finding certified copies of birth certificates I didn't know I already had, to finding that the cost of filing a form was less than I originally calculated (in one case it was $0), we have so far had our paths made smooth (Isaiah 45:2-3). I want to honor God in this moment. It may not last much longer and, when we stumble and our paths are not as easy to walk, I know He will still be by our side, guiding and never forsaking. He will see the good work He began in us unto the end.

Paperwork Pregnancy

I've heard the process of gathering the dossier as the "paperwork pregnancy." If that is accurate, then I am still so newly pregnant that morning sickness has not yet set in. I love paperwork. I know, that makes me mentally ill. Hey, I went to college to be an accountant, what can I say? :)

The application should arrive at the adoption agency today. In the meantime I have begun filling out the paperwork for our passports. Mine only needs renewed, which is a somewhat easier process than getting Jeremy's brand new. Next I have the forms to request certified birth certificates for us and the kids, a certified copy of our marriage certificate, and my divorce decree all printed out and ready to mail.

That's about all I can do until I hear from the agency about starting on the home study. One thing I am not is patient and I have read from others who went through this process that God does some serious pruning in that area. Paperwork requirements and timelines will test even the most patient and easy-going. Lord help me to trust you and know that you're timing is perfect.

I've also spent time this morning organizing our loft/office. Too much paperwork has piled up and the sun motivates me to get busy. I'm so glad we'll be going through the paperwork pregnancy during the spring and summer.

In the Mail!

I officially mailed our application this morning! It should get to the agency by Friday and we should hear back within 2 weeks. Then the fun begins! (read: incredibly sarcastic) From what I understand, the next step is the home study in which a social worker comes to visit us a few different times and dissects our family to determine if we're fit to parent. Kinda hoping we are since we've already got 3 children and I'd hate to find out now!

After the home study is the dossier which is a packet of financial and legal information, including the home study, which will be sent to Africa to be translated and used to match a child to our family. Once a child is found, we will be sent a referral which we can accept or decline (I can't imagine declining!). Once we accept, the court process begins and the adoption is finalized in Africa. Then an embassy date is set which is where the child receives a visa to come to America. Usually the adoptive parents fly over to the country to pick up the child and go to the embassy date together, but we are opting to use an escort to bring the child home. Not only does it save us some money, but it means that we don't have to risk something happening to us which would leave our biological children orphaned. It's just not worth the risk, imo.

I'm so excited that we have begun this journey. It may be the most important thing we have done or may ever do. It's one thing to marry and make babies and raise a family. It's a completely different calling to raise someone else's blessing. As much as I look forward to providing a family for a child, my heart simply aches for the mommy and daddy who are unable to care for their little one. I pray I can do them honor by loving their child like he/she were my own. I ask God that He give them peace in their decision to let their child go.

A Perfect World

I have the application packet complete and ready to send first thing tomorrow morning! Praise God for answered prayer! Our pastor and his wife know a couple who recently adopted two girls from the country we are applying to adopt from. I prayed that if they used the same agency that we have found, then I would consider that a sign from God. The agency is a small one, so the likelihood of them using it was pretty small. Well, I got an email from that couple today and they used the agency I was praying over!

Here is the family photo we took for submission. It's not professional, but at least we're all looking at the camera! :)

And She Was

still waiting. The last few weeks have felt like waking up from a dream exhausted because you thought you were running a marathon, but it was only in your mind. A lot of effort and no movement. *Sigh*

In a perfect world here is what will happen: I will get an e-mail or phone call today answering my questions satisfactorily. Jeremy will come home with a new printer ink cartridge and I will finish making copies of the necessary documents, attach them to the application and mail it first thing Wednesday morning. In 10 to 14 days, we'll hear back that we've been approved, and can begin the home study process.

In the meantime I've been reading a lot of other blogs from people who adopted from Africa. The pictures are wonderful! The children are simply beautiful and I love reading the entries from when they first met their new children. It is a good motivator. We also watched A Walk to Beautiful which is a documentary about women in Ethiopia who suffer from fistula, a tearing in the bladder or intestine during obstructed delivery during childbirth. So sad. I wish I were a multi-millionaire and could donate large sums of money to organizations like the ones that help these women.

Patience is a Virtue

It's no surprise to anyone we've spoken to that the biggest challenge of this adoption is the cost. I have changed my mind several times each day because doubt and fear gnaw at me. Every night I go to sleep having decided that it is impossible, only to wake up knowing that God is in control and trusting Him to accomplish His will.

Two things happened since yesterday that have been both encouragements and answered prayers. I can't go into specifics yet, but will as soon as I think it's appropriate. Suffice it to say that the $6000 that we were short, over which I fretted, have been accounted for! I will know with more certainty this week, but a door has been opened that will mean the cost we were anticipating has been reduced by nearly $10,000! We serve a mighty God who gives good gifts to His children!

On Your Mark, Get Set, . . .

Tuesday night was the information meeting at the adoption agency. Carly came with me and there were a few other couples there as well. I met "Mary", the lady we'll be working with on our home study and dossier. She is a very nice lady with a lot of patience. I must have asked a million questions and kept her behind after everyone else had left. There are so many unknowns in this whole process and, as we researched the actual picking up of the child and bringing him or her home, I became overwhelmed with the logistics of it all. Unfortunately, I cannot plan every minute detail in advance. That's very hard to accept for a perfectionist/OCD-type like myself.

We meet with our pastor (and his lovely wife) this weekend. I know that I feel the calling to adopt, and Jeremy feels it. It's just good to discuss with our pastor before getting too far along.

The biggest obstacle is the still the cost. The amount, over the course of nearly two years, is not outrageous in and of itself. It's just that the majority of the cost needs to be paid early on and we're short about $6,000. There are grants available, but we can't apply for those until our home study and dossier are submitted, and payment is due upon submission. (Very much like the - You can't get a job until you gain experience and you can't gain experience until you get a job!)

One piece of good news is that the term "special needs" has a very broad definition and we are open to a child with conditions which would qualify as "special needs." That opens up more grants for which we can apply. It's amazing to me what qualifies. So many are superficial conditions which I wouldn't think of as needing any special treatment. Many are so superficial that no one would even know it was there. And, to be completely honest, isn't just being an orphan a "special need" all to itself?

We have the formal application nearly completed. I think there are some employment questions still unanswered because I need to pull out old tax returns. If the meeting with our pastor goes well, I think we'll be sending it off early next week. If approved, we will be sent the home study packet and begin the process of getting our passports, downloading and filing several legal forms, getting our fingerprints taken, undergoing physical exams, and many other requirements to complete the dossier. The estimated timeline is about 2 to 3 months, though I've read several other blogs where the couple took 6 months or more to get everything in order.

Please pray for us that, if this is God's will, doors will be opened and finances will be available when needed. Most of all pray that, whether it is with us or another couple, that all the children who are without a safe, loving home will soon be in one.

Counting the Cost

What is a soul worth? What price should we place on the value of a human life?

The typical abortion costs $350 to $500. The typical non-foster care domestic adoption costs $5,000 to $30,000. The cost of the average international adoption begins at $25,000. Most families look at those numbers and decide that the cost is too much to adopt. The cost will only continue to grow as fewer and fewer children are available for adoption. $350 seems such a reasonable price for a solution.

Jeremy and I have prayed over the decision to adopt. It has been on my heart since my first daughter was very young. I had just had emergency surgery for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. I lost one fallopian tube and my chances for more children were cut in half. I wondered whether it was better to provide a home for a child already waiting than to try to have more of my own. At the time I was too young and had too little income.

Fast forward thirteen years and the desire to adopt has not lessened. God blessed us with two more little girls, he also sustained me through two additional miscarriages. There is a palpable emptiness in my heart and a space in our family waiting to be filled. God spoke to my husband as he watched the devastation in Haiti and told him that now is the time.

God placed a certain country in Africa on my husband's heart before we even began to research adoption. As we began the process, we discovered that that country is the only country that allows adoption to families with three biological children still at home. Within days the magazine we subscribe to arrived with a cover story on the pro-life movement and adoption. The agency we found accepted us though our financial situation excluded us from several other agencies. The lady to whom I spoke, and who will be handling our adoption, has also adopted from Africa and is in the process of doing so again. And so God set in motion a miracle. We are a family with a place waiting for a child, there is a child yet to be born who will need a family, and God is orchestrating it all from his holy throne.

Of what value is a human soul? We are told that our child will cost $28,000. We have about half of that amount right now. I want to clinch my fists and beat the air and scream, "Why have you demanded from us what we cannot possibly give!?" I am like the rich young ruler who turned away from Jesus when he was told to give up his worldly possessions and follow Him. How tightly I have held onto the material when God wishes to bless me with the eternal.

Like Grandpa told Charlie - Money is common. They make more of it every day. But golden tickets are very rare and chances like this may never come again.

Lord, here I am.

Fishers of Men

I love the church we have been attending. The pastor is such a sincere man who preaches boldly, but with grace. Today's message was on Luke 5:1-11, where Jesus casts the fishing nets and captures so many fish, the nets break from the strain. It's hard for me not to find a special meaning meant just for me in such a sermon. So rich is our Father in heaven, how can I not trust in His ability to provide beyond imagination?

The book of James is a wonderful and horrible book. It comforts and accuses with the same stroke of the pen. It is the passage in that book (1:27) that has nagged at me for years, simultaneously calling and condemning me.

About five years ago, Jeremy and I completed the training to be foster parents. We were answering the call to look after orphans and widows in their distress. We ultimately did not submit the final paperwork to be certified. The process was too political and we were told that our answer to a particular question was unacceptable. We decided that the door was being closed and we were content to allow the opportunity to pass.

Then came two beautiful little girls and two years of often painful soul-searching. That call is audible again and, this time, doors are opening and we are walking in faith and not stumbling.

On Tuesday I will attend an information meeting at a local adoption agency. I have a lot of questions prepared. As long as the door remains open, I will continue to walk, not by sight, but by faith for with God, all things are possible.

An Introduction

Hi. I'm Jennifer. I'm a wife and mom and this is my blog. My husband's name is Jeremy. We're both in our mid-thirties, married for eight years. I have a 16-year old daughter, Carly, from a previous marriage. Together Jeremy and I have two girls. Grace will be three next month and Abigail will turn 2 in May. We have begun the process of adopting a child from Africa.

We're not rich. We're not poor. We're just an average family responding in faith to a calling placed on our hearts by a sovereign and holy God.

Thanks for stopping by.